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Angry Teenagers With Teen Autism: Asperger's Syndrome; ADHD; Autistic Spectrum Disorders Are For Life - A True Story
80Yes, Autistic Spectrum Disorders are definitely for life and not just for Christmas. What this hub is about, however, is living with an adolescent who has Asperger's Syndrome. This is our life since Christmas - it is now 12th March 2010.
All teen's are rebellious. Children's behaviour changes and becomes more intensified as they are on the brink of this adolescent disorder called growing up. Problems with teens and living with parents can lead to conflict within the household. Adolescent problems include defiance, moodiness, being withdrawn and head strong. Now, imagine being a parent who has a young person not only with usual teenager's problems, but also has asperger's syndrome or a teenager with adhd. These types of conditions emphasises adolescence further. It almost as if you are dealing with alien being or an adolescent disorder! Don't get confused - mix adolescence with asperger's or adhd, you are dealing with a different beast altogether!
As you will probably know, adhd and Asperger's Syndrome (lots of people under the spectrum also have ADHD, although ADHD isn't classed under ASD on its own) is classified under the umbrella of autistic spectrum disorders. If you want to learn more click here for details. However, this social story has been borne out of frustration and it is hoped that others who are going through the same may feel that they are not on their own.
Dan is a Troubled Teenager... Dan Has Asperger's Syndrome!
Roll up! Roll up! Roll up for the magical mystery tour… step this way…
Magical mystery tour?
More like a roller coaster! Dan
has asperger’s autism. I now find
myself calling him Dan. He was born
Daniel but he is no longer the child that was - Dan is one of those troubled teenagers. He doesn't have ADHD, but he does have much of the symptoms.
He is now a young man, nearly 16, with complex needs. Everyone calls him Dan. Apparently he likes to be called Dan. He was always Daniel to me but he isn't the boy he used to be, so I guess he is now just Dan.
Rebellious Teen - there isn't much you can do about it, anyway!
These last few months have been hell living within the world of an Aspie - adolescent problems are exasperated with this condition. Yes, indeed the magical mystery tour is a roller coaster of emotion. Here I write this in a whirl pit of self-pity. This disgusts me – I am always so strong. Take a deep breath and ready for the big dippppppppppper!
How have we managed over the years? I am thinking as he punches my younger son
in the chest for ‘being derogatory’.
Why do I not feel anything? What
is worse, why does Chrissie just accept the punch? Obviously, I have let him down.
He has grown up to know that this is just normal in his life – he knows
no better! Rebellious teens eh? This is more than that. This is unreasonable abuse! I later asked Christian how he felt about the behaviour and the told me that there wasn't much anyone could do about it anyway! Sad eh?
I have learned not to hurt
but the tear from my eye ooze, so there must be something there?
Adolescent Disorder - You Tell Me!
“Go to your room!” I
command Dan and, with a huff, he goes.
He comes down again and says sorry but I coldly send him back up
again. I really can’t be doing with the
blah blah blah, explaining the whys and wherefores - all the counselling
crap. Done that, been there and worn
the t-shirt! An adolescent disorder? You tell me!
We have had a hard day.
We viewed residential educational establishment for September especially
for young people with Asperger’s and autistic spectrum disorders. Fingers crossed that they can accept
him. He really needs help! We really need to be safe and I need to keep
my sanity, which is kept together on a short thread. Dan is fed up with living with parents - he wants out!
Drunken, Adolescent and Disorderly
Since Christmas, we have had three temporary exclusions (the latest last week where he was nearly permanently excluded), two alcohol incidents, two involvements with police, numerous detentions, an addiction to cigarettes, a ban on the City centre and two violent outbursts, lots of mental torture and a partridge in a pear tree!
So roll up, roll up and step this way… the magical mystery tour is hoping to take you away, waiting to take you away… take you today!
World Of Autism A-Store
My A-Store is cram-packed full of great specialist information and products especially picked and recommended by me to you!
Why not treat yourself to a better autistic understanding by clicking:
The Problem With Teens - Blame It On The Parents!
Did you know that we eat two spiders a year whilst we sleep? We leave our mouths open at night and the spiders hide out in there. We then subconsciously gobble them up! How would Paul McCartney feel to learn this fact when he is a vegetarian?! This was one of the conversations that disturbed Dan. He is obsessed with the Beatles… guns… Hitler…and racial hatred. But I guess some might blame the parents for that – well, it has to come from somewhere, after all!
This can be so far away from the truth. I have a happy hippy heart. I believe in life, love and tolerance to all. I know that is still the essence of me. But when I’m around Dan, I’m on the roller coaster.
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Teenagers with Asperger's & ADHD Can't Cope with Adolescents
We struggle up to the top. It is hard as you hear the clatter, clatter of the chains pulling the carriages up. Once on top of positive hill, all is fine and dandy. Things will be all right; Dan can actually be good company! Then I hold on tight and doooooooooown we go. The pancreas hits the throat. Flop.
Dan’s done this… the school can’t cope… I have to go to school to escort him to lessons because he can’t trust himself (and frankly, no one else does either!). We quickly rise to the peak on the coaster – things will be better if I take control, this is what he wants! Up, up and away! Back up to positive hill. Dan gets angry. Dan can’t cope. Dan wants me out! Dooooooooooooooooooooooown we go! And the ride keeps on going and going and going – let me off! I can’t do this anymore!
Challenging Behaviour That Challenges The Carer
Asperger's Syndrome... ADHD... Autistic Spectrum Disorder... Behaviours to mystify and challenge those who care for this hidden disability. So... Roll up! Roll up! Roll up for the mystery tour! The magical mystery tour is coming to take you away, coming to take you away... take you today. Errh, no thanks. I think I just want a bit of predictability for a while. Roll on September!
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Bad Behaviour: Are Some Children Born Evil or Is It Learned Behaviour?
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Linda.... thanks for reading. Its the fight... fighting the system (to keep him within it), fighting to get the best for him, fighting to help him help himself, intervention and keeping my younger boys safe, the defragmented family unit, the manipulation from a high functioning young man, the lack of freedom (he cant be left on his own, he isnt safe), the everyday fight (nagging... get out of bed, eat your breakfast... on and on and on and on).
Despite all the sacrifice and the fight to help him... he hates me. He is consumed with hate and I am tired.
Hey... Its ok...positive hill is around the corner and this is just a glitch.
Thanks for reading x
The younger boy is also insulin dependant diabetic since 18 months old - this has been difficult in itself, but is lucky to have him survive. Just need some peace, that's all.
This is a horrible strain on your whole family and possibly if you can find some temporary solutions, Dan's adolescent hormones will calm down at some point. You would think a particular diet or medication would help but I am sure you have done everything you can think of. I am a Christian and will pray for your family and hope that is not offensive. It just feels like you need a power greater than yourself to get through this difficult time. I am so sorry your family, including Dan, is going through this hell right now. I hope someone that knows more than I can help you.
Hi Pamela. Dan is on a gluten free diet - additive free.
There is no conclusion - this has been going on for years. I am sure that a higher force is looking after us. We have got this far! It has been a difficult path.
Most parents want their kids to go to university, have a good job etc... but I would just be happy for Dan to become at peace, live life without harming anyone and hold down a job (living independently). If he turns out like that, I wont mind the hardship that we as a family have entailed. This would be good.
I just think I have come to the end of the journey here.
... once upon a time there lived a frog and a scorpion. The frog was in the pond and the scorpian wanted to cross. He asked the frog if he could give him a piggy back - he didnt want to get wet. The frog said 'If I give you a piggy back, you might sting me'. The scorpion said 'well that wouldnt be within my interest because we will both drown'. Taking this into consideration, the frog agreed to help the scorpion across the pond.
Half way across the frog felt a pinch. The scorpion had stung him. He said 'Why did you do that, I was helping you?' The scorpion smiled as they sank into the water and said 'It's in my nature!'
Well written. Thanks for sharing.
Dear Shaz. I had never heard of Asperger's Syndrome. Your story is so moving I am at a loss for words. I can tell you are a fighter but I also think you are a healer. I wish you all love and the peace you deserve.
@Hubby7 thanks for taking the time to read.
Green Lotus - It is meant to be. This is a challenge that has been set out for me. I am doing my work, but that is not to say that the task set out for me isn't difficult. When the story of Dan's growing up has come to pass, and if he 'does no harm' to others when he is an adult, then he will have learned and my work would have been done.
I just need to hold on...
Thanks for reading my green friend x
Hang in there it gets easier with age. Some of us are born rebellious and I think it can be emulating a powerful parent in the wrong way. (NOT BLAME) just maybe be flattered that they get a strong will from us. (And use it to terrorize others)
Yes Brianzen... Thanks for your comment.
I know the whys and wherefores - I have been understanding for years - used good techniques, love and provided a stable household (more than most, anyway - Dan's jelous of my youngest son's attention when he is in hypo state - he doesnt understand that without treatment, he can die!). This is sybling rivalry gone mad. There is no reasoning and logic to it. But that is aspergers for you!
You will be the first to know the impact on the family with someone with autism - I know you have lived it too! I am human and tired.
Being wrapped up in self pitty sickens me! I will pull myself together and do what I have always done - get on with it! I've made my bed, I will lay on it and just wait for the tides of change.
BTW, I must say, you are doing marvellously with your hubbing progress - well done! x
This must be very hard for you.My nephew has Asperger's syndrome and he thinks so differently to the rest of us. It is a high end autism though so I'm sure Dan's IQ is pretty high (not that that is much comfort to you now). I'm just reading The curious incident of the dog in the night time by Mark Haddon, have you ever read it? It's about a boy of 15 with Asperger's and it is good insight into the way children with it think.
Thanks for your lovely comment. Yes Dan has a high IQ. He can blow my mind with some of his written work and his documentary knowledge is pretty fantastic.
I havent heard of the book you recommended, but I do remember someone talking about a book about a dog. I am not sure if this is the one. I will look out for this one - it might help him. Thanks for your kind suggestionx
I have read several books about children and young adults suffering from autism and know some personally as well.
You captured many issues right on the head with this great hub,Shaz...thanks for getting the word out!
Ann.. Well if you live it, you know it! lol We are at positive hill at the moment... until the next time!
As I am writing here on positive hill, I have Dan in front of me - he is playing the guitar and is hitting all the right notes. He is self taught and the sound is as clear as a bell. The song he is playing is the Boxer Rebellion's flashing Red lights means go.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rMMRkclZ450
So what is this thing called Aspergers? A genius wrapped up in a whirl pool of confusion.
shazwellyn - what hit me the hardest was reading about Dan hitting his younger brother. My son, David, did the same thing and I was always worried that someday my youngest, Dylan, would start beating on David! Dylan is such a calm and understanding soul, but he did get tired of the abuse to the point of almost hitting back. By the time David was 18, most of his anger was spent - he still yells & breaks his own things, but doesn't take it out on people anymore.
I also identified with the "roller coaster of emotions". That began for me by the time David was 6 years old. (my childhood & a miserable marriage contributed) Just remember to always take care of yourself, and realize - It will get better. :)
Oh Rafini! Chrissie, the youngest, just accepts it - it is his normality and it is this that upsets me too. You know that it wouldnt surprise me, and I dont know your individual situation, that David contributed to the miserable marriage? Behaviour problems have a great straine on a relationship - been there, done that and worn the tshirt!
Thanks for commenting :)
shazwellyn - although I wouldn't mind believing it, I know David didn't contribute to my marriage situation. Sadly, it was too late when I realized what everyone had said was true - re: be careful & know who you date, have sex with, marry. When I finally accepted the fact that our values would never match, I left. David was 6, had been on Ritalin for 2 years - life was good! :)
God bless you for being able to keep a sense of humor about the whole thing. Some days that is all we have left, isn't it? You battles with Dan remind me of my son's adolescence. He turned 18 yesterday. The fact the he made it this far alive is a major victory!
I vote for doing what you must to regain/preserve sanity in your household -- your own and your other children's.
As you said, we supermoms gotta stick together. Power on! MM
Rafini... I hope you have found happiness now x
Thanks mighty mom... You see, I know how it feels - lets stick together and join the rollercoaster of life!xx
Shaz, how incredible you are. I know of two Aspies, one of whom is an adolescent now, and both are passive with only a few outbursts and tantrums occasionally. My heart goes out to you and send you all my strength to get you through. Children are pleasure and pain when they are 'normal' so adding Asperger's is just explosive in your situation. I'm sure deep down Dan does love you.
Oh, I've read "The curious incident of the dog in the night time" by Mark Haddon and although not easy to read it does give you an insight into how Aspie's think.
Your writing is so passionate and hey, sometimes just wallow in self pity if it helps. xxooxx Marie
I agree with MPG Narratives - I have a 15 year old son with Aspergers who only "loses it" now and then. But you can't keep it together all the time. You sound like a very strong woman who is trying to do the best for all your children. Thanks for writing your story and I hope your family gets the help you need.
Marie... We have been on an up the last two weeks, so has been nice to feel happy again. However, the rollercoaster is just starting to dip as from yesterday morning - he is at it again! I am not sure whether to pull him out of school - he has got in with a heroin user! So, arms up for the roller coaster... ready? Here we goooooooooo..... !
Thanks for stopping by and being so kind x
p.s. I have an article soon to be released about asperger girls where I have made a revelation *wink* x
JB1310 - They are all very individual, aren't they? I know why guy with aspergers and he wouldn't hurt a fly! Funny eh? What is really difficult is, with all of Dan's problems, the 'system' fights parents too. It is like we are emotional punchbags!
Anyway, downward and upward! Thanks for reading :)
My son is an Aspie of the inflexible-explosive kind. I've been reading The Explosive Child, which is enlightening. I am fearful of what becoming a teen may involve. That's a while away. He punched some kids in the head when I did a test-run with an additive I know induces rage - gave 1 a black-eye and other some bruising on head. Is only 7. Diet helps a lot but not completely. Understand what it is like to get the blame as a parent
Arh... Bailey.. If it is any help, they start 'normalising' by the age of 21. As an Asperger woman... you have to see your son as a 'project' and master up lots of strength so as you can get the best for him by the system or multi disciplinary team. I will be writing a hub about that shortly... so keep an eye :)
So the teen years are the most rocky?
Bailey... each person's experiences are different. There is the added complication of the 'personality' mix with Asperger's (not to mention the gender differences!). I know some boys that are isolates but are very passive. Dan is passive/aggressive. He tends to adopt other people's identities and become like them. It really does demonstrate behaviour that is relevant to his enviromental influences (the people he mixes with, the behaviours generated). He has a conflict as to who he is.. he is trying to find himself which is very confusion for these young people because they have a missing understanding of socialisation.
For us it has been a rollercoaster from day one really. We are on a home straight at the moment but that is because Dan doesnt have the pressure of social interaction at the moment. He has now finished his exams and will be going to a specialist college for Asperger's kids.
Hope that helps and look out for how I managed to get the support in further education that Daniel needed to get the best education for him to fulfill his potential!
I've read your posts and the comments with great interest. I see everything's a year old. What happened next? Did he start in the residential school? How's that working out?
Thank you Sara M. Yes, there are other articles as to what happened next...
http://hubpages.com/hub/Autism-Spectrum-Disorder-A
http://hubpages.com/hub/Autism-Spectrum-Disorder-A
http://hubpages.com/hub/Autism-Spectrum-Disorder-A
I have not writing too much recently. This may be an indication that my entrapment in the home has ceased. Dan is away in a place where he can be watched, leaving me free. There are programmes being put in place to help with his disability, although he has a long way to go (he is still a danger to himself and others) I have faith that he will 'normalise' with time.
Thank you for reading and I wish you well :)
I am on that awful roller coaster right now. I have to say, I can SO relate to your article. My 16 y.o. son is, as I type this, on his way to the police station on foot for the umpteenth time. I phoned ahead this time, called when he left the house so that I do not have to (hopefully) go through the 3rd degree over the accusations that he makes to them. I do not think I can go through another 12 hours in the emergency room waiting for someone to show up to evaluate him, only to be sent home. My son is just like yours in that he can be the sweetest, most loving boy and then BAM! if he is asked to do something he does not want to or if you look at him in a way that he thinks is wrong, our world explodes. My husband, myself and both of my other sons have been injured during his rages. We live in a 200 y.o. house and I cannot tell you how many holes are in the walls, antique doors destroyed (one tonight), personal items broken (his and everyone else's), etc.
I have been fighting for this child since he was 2 years old. He was diagnosed as severely autistic at that age by a team of doctors at Children's Hospital Boston. We were very fortunate to get some incredible intervention very early on. We have had to hire attorneys, repeatedly, to fight the schools.
You think that you are doing everything that you can to give this child a better life and there are times (more than not) when you wonder why. Intellectually, I KNOW that he cannot help most of his behavior, but, heck, I am only human and I can only take so much . . . . sorry to go on, but I just want to have a peaceful existence or at least a less chaotic one.
neegagner - Oh my, how I empathise! What you need to understand is that the 'professionals' will never actually 'get it'. So, the only way to get through this is by empowering yourself. This means you need to 'manage' them, rather than they 'managing' you. Instead of 'fighting the school', for example, try using the gratitude tact.
I have found this has helped to gain allies and, ultimately, get what I wanted to help my son. Say things like... 'of course, you are the Professionals and have a wealth of experience and expertise - I really do value this'.. then have a plan that you might like to try in place and ask them what they think.
You plant the seed to be empowered whilst getting over the proverbial 'Professional egotism'.
It might help if you remind them, subtly, that all your concern is for your son and he is at the centre and his behaviour suggests that he isn't happy. We need to get to the bottom of his unhappiness. All you want is for him to fulfill his full potential, be a good citizen and do no harm.
This is a great focus point and, at the end of the day, you need help with this which means Professional intervention.
Dont give up. Believe me there is hope! I have been through it and am coming out of the other side. It was imperative to get my son into some form of specialist residential education so as he would achieve his potential, rather than be a menace to society - does that make sense?
This article explains why you need to seek specialist support:
http://shazwellyn.hubpages.com/hub/Autism-Spectrum
This article will help you with difficulties associated with the system. It is formulated on the UK system, but I am sure you will be able to get much out of this article:
http://shazwellyn.hubpages.com/hub/Autism-Spectrum
And this is my personal account in how we succeeded in helping Dan:
http://shazwellyn.hubpages.com/hub/Autism-Spectrum
I will write an update on where we are up to now Dan is 17 and how much headway we are now making with him. Remember, your son needs to learn 'consequences of actions' now, rather than suffer at the criminal justice system later.
I hope this helps and, with blessings, I know you will find the strength to get through.
Let you be granted the peace you are wishing for :)
Lynda Gary 2 years ago
I feel your pain. Been there (am there), doing that. But, you and I have a different perspective (though I certainly have felt, many times, the way you do now).
I specialize in ... well, I'll let you check into that on your own, if you're interested. www.lyndagary.com Going to send you a quick email...